Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
