Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
