Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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