i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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