Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
