I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
