You smell like a Billy Joel song
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
