I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
