I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
