If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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