bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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