How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
