Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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