Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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