so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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