cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize