I will die if light touches me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
