it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
