I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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