sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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