How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
