Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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