Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
