I accidentally had phone sex last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
