Screwed.edu
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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