My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
