please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
