foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
