My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
