Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
never play flip cup with pint glasses
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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