Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone signed my nipple.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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