glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
