We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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