I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
