I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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