Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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