there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
