I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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