BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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