i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
