Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
