isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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