Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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