just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
