Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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