Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
