so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
