She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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