Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
