Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
