are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
