I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
