I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
