some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
