and i looked up. we had an audience...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize