Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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