My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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