He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
