we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
