Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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