Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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