I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
