He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
