The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
