mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
