He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
