The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think a kid would responsible me up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i out mim tonsoeep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
