it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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