If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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