I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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