i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize